thank you!!!! after i take a break i kinda want to edit it (again) there are parts in here that should probably go in the prev section for example. i showed it to claude out of curiosity & it interpreted the story as being about ai safety--which it's
never said about other stories i showed it--so that was fascinating
I'm impressed at the lil' merm for having that much grasp on reason. Lots of people would deny it and blame the princess.
Likewise I'm impressed at her moral clarity about guilt and judgement — most people I know would either seethe with frustrated entitlement or collapse into a ball of guilt. Might be cheating a bit to give her no moral flaws while also being a reformed mass murderer? It works tho.
The "We often say that we don’t want to be judged." paragraph works so well! I'm wondering what the operative ingredient is. Is it the accurate analysis? The mix of general relevance and relevance to the story?
The ending rings false IMO. Not in the events themselves: the actions are perfectly in character (I had 0 doubt what the little mermaid would do, though I worried the sisters would take matters into their own hands), and the just-so story about why there are no or few mermaids anymore fits perfectly well. But something in the tone just feels empty or saccharine somehow??? Totally unlike your usually thing that feels so incisive and observant and on-point. I know I'm a dickhead, I'm always whining about bitterness and cynicism and when you write something happy then I also complain.
Your story hews close to the Andersen one (except for, you know, the flesh-eating murder detail). Are you familiar with the Undine branch (Fouqué / Henze / Giraudoux)? It's more cynical and character-y in a way I feel like would appeal to you (though ofc that'd defeat the point of writing a fairy tale).
It's lovely.
thank you!!!! after i take a break i kinda want to edit it (again) there are parts in here that should probably go in the prev section for example. i showed it to claude out of curiosity & it interpreted the story as being about ai safety--which it's
never said about other stories i showed it--so that was fascinating
I'm impressed at the lil' merm for having that much grasp on reason. Lots of people would deny it and blame the princess.
Likewise I'm impressed at her moral clarity about guilt and judgement — most people I know would either seethe with frustrated entitlement or collapse into a ball of guilt. Might be cheating a bit to give her no moral flaws while also being a reformed mass murderer? It works tho.
The "We often say that we don’t want to be judged." paragraph works so well! I'm wondering what the operative ingredient is. Is it the accurate analysis? The mix of general relevance and relevance to the story?
The ending rings false IMO. Not in the events themselves: the actions are perfectly in character (I had 0 doubt what the little mermaid would do, though I worried the sisters would take matters into their own hands), and the just-so story about why there are no or few mermaids anymore fits perfectly well. But something in the tone just feels empty or saccharine somehow??? Totally unlike your usually thing that feels so incisive and observant and on-point. I know I'm a dickhead, I'm always whining about bitterness and cynicism and when you write something happy then I also complain.
Your story hews close to the Andersen one (except for, you know, the flesh-eating murder detail). Are you familiar with the Undine branch (Fouqué / Henze / Giraudoux)? It's more cynical and character-y in a way I feel like would appeal to you (though ofc that'd defeat the point of writing a fairy tale).
“I poured my soul into the dust by loving a man who was soon to die, as if he would live forever.”