Spicy Fruity Veggie Smoothies

Which, unlike most smoothies, aren't disgusting.

I haven’t foodposted in forever, god. But this is a smoothie recipe that I love enough that I have it basically every day, and the recipe/paradigm is weird enough you might not find it elsewhere. You can jump to the recipe here.

Most smoothies are gross. A lot of them are gross because they contain raw banana, the most disgusting fruit.¹ But even banana-free smoothies are often gross for the same reason that bananas are gross: the same mouth-coating vaguely sweet blandness, the same fatless starchy texture that people call creamy but which I would call pasty.

Some smoothies are even more disgusting than a plain banana, because people like to add vegetables, and those vegetables are usually leafy greens. I love vegetables, including leafy greens, but they simply don’t belong in smoothies: a leafy green smoothie is neither the healthiest way to eat greens, which tend to be more nutritious when cooked, nor do leafy greens add any of the sweetness or creaminess which is the telos of the smoothie. Even people who put leafy greens in smoothies know this; you can tell because the highest commendation that can be given to a green smoothie recipe is that you can’t taste the vegetables.

But smoothies can be transcendently good. A smoothie can have me sipping with my eyes closed, thanking good fortune that I was born in the age of freezers, motors, and international trade in not only spices but fresh produce, enjoying a luxury that even emperors never tasted. And these are smoothies with vegetables.

To make a transcendently good veggie-heavy smoothie, you need:

• Fat. Many flavor compounds are only soluble in fat; cold always dulls the taste of food, so a no-fat smoothie is going to be especially bland. Full-fat yogurt or kefir is the move here.

• Acid. I have a strong taste for sour food (sour tooth?), but even if you don’t, I think that a little experimentation will show you that most smoothie recipes are under-sour, & taste a lot brighter and fruitier with a little acid. Fermented dairy, fruit juices, and/or kombucha add acidity; use lemon or lime to taste if your smoothie isn’t sour enough.

• Spice. Cubes of frozen ginger paste are amazing for smoothies and readily available; fresh ginger or refrigerated ginger paste are also good. Powdered spices are not as necessary as the fresh ginger, to my taste, but they add a lot. Basically any baking spice (allspice, cinnamon, coriander seed, nutmeg, clove, ground ginger) is good and I will add all of the above to almost every smoothie; so too with cayenne and black pepper; I like putting turmeric in orange-colored smoothies and a little cocoa powder in magenta ones. You can also add a drop or so of vanilla, rosewater, and/or orange blossom water. This sounds like a lot. maybe work your way up over time, but a well-seasoned smoothie is so much better than a bland one, and spices are good for you or something.

• Careful choice of fruits for texture, and vegetables for texture/taste. The creamiest smoothies come from frozen fruits that have a velvety or even meaty solidity (mango, peach, papaya, pineapple, cherries) as opposed to a “crisp” or “bursting” texture (apples, most berries, grapes). The best vegetables for smoothies are naturally sweet & blend to a creamy texture: butternut squash, beets, sweet potatoes, carrots. They’re easiest to work with & create the best texture when you buy them frozen, but if you can’t find frozen ones without salt, you can use them raw, or cooked and cooled. Avocado & unsweetened canned pumpkin can also add creaminess.

• LAYER CORRECTLY. You want to add ingredients to your blender such that the liquid is closest to the blade, then other ingredients are layered from softest to hardest. So if you have a pitcher-shaped blender where the blade is permanently on the bottom, do liquids first and then add ingredients from softest to hardest; if you have one of those (usually much smaller) cup-shaped blenders where the blade gets screwed in to the top of the cup, do things the other way round. Blends much easier this way.

A Spicy Fruit-And-Vegetable Smoothie (serves two)

Ingredients:

• 3 cubes of frozen ginger (or the equivalent amount of ginger paste or peeled sliced fresh ginger)

• 2 cups frozen fruit (mango, papaya, peach, pineapple, cherry)

• 1 to 1.5 cups frozen sweet vegetables (beets, butternut squash, sweet potato) or substitutes mentioned above

• 1 cup full fat-yogurt or kefir

• Powdered spices to taste, up to halfish a tablespoon total (allspice, cinnamon, coriander seed, nutmeg, clove, ground ginger, turmeric, black pepper, cayenne)

• at least .5 cups of flavorful liquid (kombucha, fruit juice, unsweetened iced tea), plus as much more liquid as it takes to get your smoothie to blend

• A healthy squeeze of honey.

• If desired, a drop or so of vanilla extract, rosewater, and/or orange blossom water

• If desired, a squeeze of lime or lemon.

Layer ingredients in blender in order from most liquid to hardest, with the most-liquid ingredients closest to the blade. Blend til creamy. Taste and, if desired, correct your seasoning—especially think about whether you want to add more spice, more honey, some citrus juice. If you do, blend just enough to mix in what you just added. Then pour into two glasses and enjoy.

My favorite combinations are cherry-beet smoothies, heavy on the cloves and cocoa powder, with hibiscus tea for the liquid, & mango-sweet potato smoothies with orange juice.

1. I reluctantly admit to enjoying some cooked banana applications.