Evidence of Time Travel

Prehistoric, Historic, Contemporary, Future

Prehistoric Evidence of Time Travel

We can infer what our hunter-gatherer ancestors were like from the behaviors of hunter-gatherers today. Most hunter-gatherers today trade with industrialized cultures. Therefore, our hunter-gatherer ancestors traded with industrialized cultures. But industrialization hadn’t happened yet. Therefore, our ancestors’ industrialized trading partners must have been time travelers from the future. This places humanity in a causality-defying time loop. Troubling.

Historic Evidence of Time Travel

What would we expect to see in the historical record if humanity is looking forward to the development of time travel? We would expect to see records of otherwise inexplicable people showing up at historical events. Do we in fact see this?

Ancient historians often record battles where the armies seem bigger than the warring countries’ respective populations could possibly support. Uncharitably, we call these numbers “inflated” or patronizingly say that ancient historians had different conceptions of accuracy. The much more charitable explanation is that most of these soldiers were time travelers, larping extravagantly. You know perfectly well that war larpers would be time travel companies’ bread and butter, paying millions to play Greeks and Persians under the command of the real Xerxes.

We also see evidence of heavy Christmas tourism at Bethlehem hotels.

Contemporary Evidence of Time Travel

Where, today, do we see evidence of otherwise inexplicable people?

An obvious answer: dating apps. Who are all these people? Why do you never see them around?

The most parsimonious explanation is that the randos we see on dating apps, are sex tourists from the future.

This raises troubling questions about the future of humanity. It seems obvious to me that if these wealthy sex tourists are coming to our time (well, probably most of them are going to early tinder, but around our time), then they are doing so for a brief escape from a future sexual dystopia. What went wrong?

One possibility is that the future is plagued by an STD that destroys the prospect of casual sex, so that safe casual sex is only available for people who can afford time travel sex vacations. I’m sure that the time travel companies are being strict with testing—but it only takes one false negative (or large bribe….) for an infected time travel sex tourist to come back and spread an acausal STD that will destroy contemporary dating (even more than it’s actually been destroyed, I guess).

Another possibility is that the future sex tourists aren’t here for fun—they’re here for sperm. If sperm counts keep declining the way they have been, we are in a race against infertility to create a time travel machine that will allow the humanity of the future to use previous generations as breeding studs. I hope they’re keeping careful track of pedigrees, because avoiding inbreeding will get harder and harder.

Future Evidence of Time Travel

We should expect to be in a relative drought of time travellers. We are currently coming to the end of an era where documentary evidence is unusually historically trustworthy. People trusted photographs, maybe more than they should. Time travelling into an era where you’re more likely to be caught is highly unwise.

Now that era is coing to an end. Soon we’ll trust photographs and videos as much as people in the past trusted paintings. If you saw what looked like an image of a 19th century painting that looked startlingly like your friend, would you suspect time travel? Wouldn’t you believe their explanation that it was an AI generated image?